i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
