In the future we'll all be gay
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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