i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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