Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
