My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
