Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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