sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
