I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
