Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
