Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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