it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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