my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
