I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
