She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
