I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize