i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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