your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
