Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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