so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
