just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
