No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
