just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
40s are totally the cure
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Randomize
