I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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