oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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