I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
