Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
