toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
