Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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