Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
