you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
