I wish I only lived at night.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
