I will die if light touches me.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
