Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
