Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just had sex on a roof
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
