Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
