So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
