wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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