I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
