I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
