i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
