$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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