it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just found puke in my bra..
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
