Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
