your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
