my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
