@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
