Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
