i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
