Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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