We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
