in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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