carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
