oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
