her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
soo... how was my night?
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