GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
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When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
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the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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