he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
