If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
