Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
