The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Randomize
