isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
