Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
