I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
