while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
