Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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