I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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