I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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