there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
