addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just gargled with NyQuil
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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