Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize