Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
